Sexuality & Obsession

Everyone has their opinion concerning extra-curricular sexual activities outside of the relationship they currently share. Each couple makes their own rules and each relationship has its own particular and often very confusing dynamic. Whether it appears good, bad, or ugly, I have learned not to pass judgments on other couples. It does not matter whether they are sexually ‘liberal’ or horribly abusive and controlling, from my vantage point, those relationships and what those persons choose for themselves is none of my fucking business. I have enough to worry about in my own relationship.

Couples make agreements, some of them explicit and others develop with time and circumstance, remaining unspoken yet very clearly drawn lines of conduct and demeanor covering a wide range of things. In my own relationships, I simply ask for honesty and teamwork. Keep to what you agree to, and don’t make shit up as you go along or change the rules in the middle of the game without good reason. One of the things I do not demand from a woman is sexual fidelity. She will be faithful or she will not. I would only ask that she use better judgment when playing around.

I learned long ago that to force people into monogamy does not always work out well in the long run. Some people are sexually expressive and curious beyond what is normally acceptable in our Puritanical-American view of sexuality. Many years ago, I loved a woman who, to put it bluntly, ‘couldn’t control her pussy’. She was open about her sexuality and on again off again lesbianism. I didn’t love her any less, but in my exuberant youthful male desire to maintain control, I drove myself from someone who I loved very much. Looking back from the vantage point of hindsight, I could have taken a much more enlightened approach to her sexuality and my own. People can share their bodies without giving away their hearts, and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s a strictly personal matter.

Marlene Dietrich once said, “In America, sex is an obsession. In Europe, it’s a fact.” Only in America, does the nation go completely berserk when a sitting President gets a blow job. The effects of that prosecution wasted more than just time or money. It shifted our attention from truly important issues. Sex is just sex, and Marlene had it right. To turn sex into an obsession is to make it a religion unto itself, where we worship the attainment as some sort of epiphany while regulating it to the point of destroying the ease and pleasure with which sex is to be enjoyed.

It isn’t really about the sex, rather the attitude that punishes decent people for merely expressing their physical desires. No, I don’t advocate sexual anarchy at all. There are, of course, health and family issues to consider. For some, sexuality becomes a means of acting out on deeper psychological issues and those people should seek professional help. In my quest for social enlightenment, I recognized within myself the severe emotional frustrations caused by artificial and superstitious social stigmas surrounding sexual taboos. I chose to exclude those quasi-religious propositions from my personal relationships and I am happier for it.

It is all about the agreement.

Kol Tuv